I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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