you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
