Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
