he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
