I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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