the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
this is an emotional support booty call
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
