I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
