You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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