I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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