Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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