you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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