i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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