I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
