Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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