sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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