well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
