well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
