Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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