What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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