we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
