its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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