You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
