Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
