I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
