I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
