guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
