Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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