when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we made out on top of his cat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
