I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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