No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
