I think I am morally bankrupt
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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