i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
