I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
