how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
