thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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