no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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