some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize