i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
