everyone is single if you try hard enough
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
