I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
