we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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