Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
