i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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