we have pet lesbian snakes
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
