I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
And the cops told us we were all naked.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
