he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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