Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
