Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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