She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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