Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
