she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ttyl tear gas
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize