for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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