I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
