Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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