well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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