I wish life had little blips of pornography
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
