You're my little dorito
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
