my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
