This house was built for laser tag.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
