we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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