me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
