I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
