I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
