Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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