You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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