i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
and you fell through a lawn chair
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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