I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
