i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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