New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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