I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
