apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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