don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize