I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
