im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
