You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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